The Intimacy Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, well-being, nearness, and love .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, see this "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!