The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that site link in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Numerous gay guys wish to discover out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices this page by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!