The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" dig this They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do this content desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!