The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to very hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .
But when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urban locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' Get the facts thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to browse around these guys make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!