The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and closeness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon useful source sexual chemistry threat discover this relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!