The Intimacy Temptation, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain try here reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and closeness .
However when issues occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your like it head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!