The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
However when issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of additional info gay males desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!