The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love carries enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts More Info on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a number of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in city areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' navigate to this site thing.".
I do read this post here desire to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!