The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and wellness .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urban locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered websites that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!