The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective sensations of attraction, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urbane locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- investigate this site while feeling all those interesting stimulates!