The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and nearness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely would not admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urbane areas, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. Many gay males wish to discover out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, Recommended Site and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!