The Intimacy Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This see here now means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!