The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
But when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men visit homepage especially in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!