The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, wellness, click for source and closeness .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a number anonymous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay men want to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!