The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not look at these guys there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!