The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
However when issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay men desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and site it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon click to investigate sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!