The Intimacy Catch, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent as well).

B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural resource mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males specifically in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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